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    Fight your gamer identity crisis with STEEL VIKING GAMER UNDERPANTZ®

    Matt RyanBy Matt RyanSeptember 24, 2016

    High-performance pro elite gamers need high-performance pro elite equipment, and they’ll soon be able to reach a new x-treme with with the STEEL VIKING GAMER UNDERPANTZ® from Undawarez™.

    Made from military-grade ultra-light aluminium-magnesium fibres, the STEEL VIKING GAMER UNDERPANTZ® protect your home base and ensure your flag is never captured, so that you can focus on doing what you do best, be that shooting every motherfucker you see, ignoring team objectives as you rush for kill streaks, or hurl abuse into your headset. The silky-smooth inner lining ensures the cool comfort even in the most heated party chat debates, but don’t worry, the garish outer layer serves as reminder to you and everyone around you what a badass you really are.

    If you need somewhere to store your gems, the STEEL VIKING GAMER UNDERPANTZ® come with the most technologically-advanced Sockets™, and the gamer who truly wants the advantage of precision can upgrade to the 4K Y-Front, made of our custom, tougher-than-steel GSPM-Malvac fabric. Your gear and your K/D will thank you.

    “I used to only buy high-quality, classy, comfortable underpants like Calvin Klein, but then I discovered Undawarez™ and I’ve never looked back,” said one gamer after graduating the Undawarez™ boot camp with the Medal of Skillz. “Sure, they’re cheaply made and cost $800 a pair, but when people see me wearing them, they know I have some serious skillz.”

    “There’s nothing quite like pseudo-military buzzwords and faux-edgy product names to really remind yourself that you’re a gamer,” said another hero. “Building an entire identity around a hobby that enjoys widespread, mainstream popularity is more life-affirming than a health pickup.”

    The STEEL VIKING GAMER UNDERPANTZ® are just one part of the arsenal of a gamer who truly wants to be the best. For optimal performance, be sure to also equip yourself with some gaming glasses, like Gunnar’s Advanced Gaming Glasses with Vayper Onyx i-AMP Lenses, or the NoScope Minotaur Computer Gaming Glasses. If you really, really want to top the leaderboards, take a seat in a gaming chair like the DXRacer Racing Series LED Gaming Chair or the X Rocker Vibe 2.1, which is definitely a gaming chair and not a sex toy.

    gamer gaming chairs gaming glasses Satire Video Games Videogames
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    Matt Ryan
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    Matt is a writer based in Wellington. He loves all things pop culture, and is fascinated by its place in history and the wider social context.

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